I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
