im six kinds of drunk right now
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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