tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How external is "for external use only"?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
