You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
