Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Two words: blizzard sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
