hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
