So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
