you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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