dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
