Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
