She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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