You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
