I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
