3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
