At least make sure they are 18
Why
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
