I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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