First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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