its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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