She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
