WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
