He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
