What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
