I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
