i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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