after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
