Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
