I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
