the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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