You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
