I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
