I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
