It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
