and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
