What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
