i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
