I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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