It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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