my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
