So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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