My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
