Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
