I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I am morally bankrupt
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
