Im at strip club and am horny
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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