her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
