Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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