We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
