I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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