I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
