my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
