whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
